My Family Only Buys Heteronormative Date Nuts

Last Updated on July 31, 2023

So my dad was sitting in the kitchen when he noticed my container of dehydrated date nuts. (A quick FYI – I have an obsession with dehydrated fruit and keep a variety in my house at all times! This week I bought dates! ^.^)


Seeing the new container of dates, my dad casually asked, “So what exactly is a date?”

My mom was quick to respond, “It’s when a boy and girl like each other very much and go somewhere special.”

I looked down. Aah, another one of those comments…

Heteronormativity is so engrained in their minds it’s like they are trying to forget I ever bothered coming out to them. I know I may be overanalyzing what may have been meant as nothing more than an innocent joke but this still shows a set pattern of thinking. Maybe she honestly slipped up and forgot that saying a comment like that with heteronormative assumptions to her gay son might be a bad idea… :/

Or was this another sly remark in hopes of brainwashing me to be straight? If it was, I should have addressed it. Usually, I look past this type of stuff but it almost seems inconsiderate that my parents aren’t being more sensitive right now. It’s still a raw subject in our household and I think they should be more careful about what they say since I didn’t come out to them all that long ago.

If it happens a third time, I am going to speak up.


  1. Oh dear. Your mum certainly has a talent for putting her foot in to it doesn’t she? In her defence, it was probsbly just a gut reaction. It’s obviously taking her some time to get used to the idea and probably wasn’t meant with any disrespect.

  2. *groan* Aughh. Really? That’s not even a /funny/ joke…

    I’d agree with @thehowlingfantogs that it probably wasn’t intentional, especially since she responded so automatically (which is a sign of heuristic thinking); when people have strong views one way or another it can take years for them to change.

    But by all means, I do agree you should speak with them if it keeps coming up. They should know that comments like that make it harder for you to be around them.

  3. So, I also have a thing for dried fruit, particularly dates, figs, apricots, and cranberries. But on to less serious matters, I think I can reassure you that your mom was being funny (I thought it was funny). I (your fellow INFJ) have a tendency to be really sensitive, and read too much into comments that I could possibly construe as attacking me in any way. I think it’s also important to realize that, if your mom is having difficulty with your lifestyle choice, it’s probably because she loves you and wants you to be happy, and sees that it may be more difficult for you to accomplish that as a foundational deviant from the norm. Not because she’s a conformist/traditionalist/close-minded plebeian. Just sayin’.

    1. Hi Geekbait12! Yeah, looking back, I do agree with you. I’m sure it was a simple joke. The part I find frustrating is that I know she really does want me to happy but she doesn’t seem to support homosexuality whatsoever which puts me in a super awkward position. Hopefully the situation will change with time. πŸ™‚

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