Coming out has been an interesting process for me, to say the least. It took awhile before I ever told anyone but once one person knew, it became much easier to start telling the rest.
I’ve been very fortunate to have a positive coming out experience – for the most part. Growing up, no one ever asked me if I was gay which was good in some ways but bad in others. On one hand, I never got bullied – so that was nice! But I was also never put in a position to question my sexuality. “Being gay” never crossed my mind!
It wasn’t until high school that I started figuring things out. At that point, I was comfortable enough to tell some of my closest friends which was really awesome. I was pretty selective in who I told because I needed to know that the information wouldn’t make its way back to my family before I was ready for them to know.
I recently came out to my sister and she’s been a huge help. I was talking to her last night and she said, “Rock, I need to tell you something.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s about your situation…” she continued, “You have to tell Mom and Dad on Easter or things could get ugly…”
“I heard them talking about it last night and they’re pretty certain they know what’s up. Mom was upset that if you are gay that they’re not the first ones you’re telling,” she explained.
Then we had some back and forth discussion where I basically tried to self-justify my reasons for not telling them yet. And to be fair, I think I have some pretty good reasons. While I know my parents are cool and wouldn’t ever go to the extreme of kicking me out or anything like that, I still have pretty good evidence to believe they’re anti-gay to some extent.
My sister went on, “I heard Mom say to Dad that they want to know the truth before you go back to college.”
Oh. So I guess I’ll be coming out to them this weekend? On Easter?
To make light of the situation, I told my sister that I should color a rainbow Easter Egg, write “I’m gay!” across it, and then announce to them when I find it. But in all seriousness, I’m kind of excited and kind of scared.
My sister once told me that my Mom said to my Dad, “Even if he is gay, I just want him to be happy” which should be enough for me to know it’ll be okay – but fear will always still exist.
I had to ask my sister again: “Do you think they’ll care?”
She said back, “I’m not gonna lie… yes… they care… they have their own opinions but that’s no reason to change who you are.”
I feel like their comments are so wishy-washy that it’s impossible to determine how they’ll react to me coming out. Sometimes they say “the right things” and other times, they don’t. Either way, I want them to know. I’ve hated having to hide it from them and I think I’ll be happier afterwards.
On the down side, this will likely be the most stressful Easter of my life.