Last Updated on September 16, 2023
It all started when my Dad picked me up from Rutgers Friday night. As we drove home, he began telling me about how my 13-year-old sister has finally started asking them if she is allowed to date boys. He was explaining how our mom seems apprehensive while he is mostly fine with her dating someone as long as my sister respects their ground rules.
I somehow knew the conversation was going to shift back to me. And of course, it did.
“She’s beating you to it, Rock! Whattaya waiting for? You know, I always wonder if college is anything like what I see in the movies. They make it seem like guys and girls are looking to hook up left and right,” he said.
“Well, I’m sure it is like that for some people… I guess it’s all about how you spend your time and who you hang out with,” I responded. I could have come out to him right then and there but I didn’t want to do it while he was driving. Just to be safe.
He continued, “I guess so. I always wonder if that one girl messed you up. I hope she didn’t scare you.” He was referring to 6th grade when I sent a flower on Valentine’s Day to a girl I liked. Instead of being happy about it, the girl proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the school year and threw crumpled-up paper balls at me during class. Gotta love middle school.
We talked about 6th grade, my prom dates, the girls at college, everything. He just wasn’t catching on. The conversation made me feel really guilty and even a little nauseous. To the point where I felt like throwing up or crying or something.
I woke up yesterday and it was only me and my sister in the house. Home alone. I spent a good portion of the morning thinking about whether or not I should come out to her. Was this the right time? Could I trust her? Would she understand?
It was 4:00 and I knew Mom was coming home at 4:30. MY CHANCE WAS SLIPPING AWAY AS TIME WAS RUNNING OUT. Last semester, I only came home one time the whole semester so aside from Spring break, this might be the ONLY chance I’d be home alone with my sister THIS semester. I couldn’t miss out on the chance!
“Tiff, please turn off the TV,” I said to my sister.
“No way! Why? For what?” she asked.
“Just please do it. Please.” I said.
“Oh, is this serious…? Oh my god,” she responded as she turned off the TV and turned to me.
At this point, I was so nervous about what I was about to do that I was TOTALLY RAMBLING. “Erm, no, it’s not serious. Um, well, kinda, but not that much. Well, anyway, so I hear there’s a boy you like…” I tried to play things off like it was her potential boyfriend who was on my mind.
“Oh. Who told you? Mom? Yeah, his name is DJ!” she said.
“Aw, that’s great, Tiff!”
“Mhm but it’s just weird. I feel strange dating someone before you! Come on, date someone already so I don’t have to feel so weird!” she said half-jokingly-half-serious.
It was then that I finally thought to myself, this is it. No more putting this off. It’s time.
“Well, you see Tiff, there are people I’ve liked- and despite what I’ve told you- I do have a crush on someone at college right now. I guess I could show you a picture or something…?”
“Show me!!! Come on? PLEASEEE?” she pleaded.
“Ok, fine. Only if you show me your person first.” I said.
She eagerly grabbed her iPod Touch and opened Instagram. She scrolled through about three or four pictures of the boy she likes. He looked like a nice guy.
At that point, I knew it was my turn so I got really NERVOUS. I was starting to legitimately panic. I couldn’t help but ask myself, “IS THIS THE WRONG TIME?” but I smacked some sense into myself and realized… there might never be a “right time.”
Sensing my fear, she exclaimed, “Rocky, you’re shaking! What’s wrong? I won’t judge you. Show me!”
I said, “I know, I know. This is who I liked last year,” and I turned my laptop around revealing a photo of the boy I had a crush on standing beside a girl.
She looked at me and said, “Which one?”
I moved my cursor over to the guy and said, “This one.”
To my relief, she was so happy!!! I couldn’t believe it. The best reaction I could ever ask for. She even commented, “Aww, he’s cute!!”
Then I showed her a picture of the guy I liked last semester to who I sent the card (still with no reply) and she said, “I like the last guy better…” hahaha.
Then finally, I showed her a picture of my latest crush who is a guy from my writing class “That’s So Gay” who I think MIGHT like me and she was like, “OH MY GOD! HE’S HOT! WHOA! SCORE!” and she high-fived me. I burst out laughing.
Right as our conversation was getting pretty intense, I noticed it was 4:45 and my mom walked in.
* Read “Coming Out to My Sister (Weekly Writing Challenge: Cliffhanger!)” for the background story! *
Related: Coming Out to My Parents