The Story of How I Came Out to My Younger Sister

Last Updated on September 16, 2023

It all started when my Dad picked me up from Rutgers Friday night. As we drove home, he began telling me about how my 13-year-old sister has finally started asking them if she is allowed to date boys. He was explaining how our mom seems apprehensive while he is mostly fine with her dating someone as long as my sister respects their ground rules.

I somehow knew the conversation was going to shift back to me. And of course, it did.

“She’s beating you to it, Rock! Whattaya waiting for? You know, I always wonder if college is anything like what I see in the movies. They make it seem like guys and girls are looking to hook up left and right,” he said.

“Well, I’m sure it is like that for some people… I guess it’s all about how you spend your time and who you hang out with,” I responded. I could have come out to him right then and there but I didn’t want to do it while he was driving. Just to be safe.

He continued, “I guess so. I always wonder if that one girl messed you up. I hope she didn’t scare you.” He was referring to 6th grade when I sent a flower on Valentine’s Day to a girl I liked. Instead of being happy about it, the girl proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the school year and threw crumpled-up paper balls at me during class. Gotta love middle school.

We talked about 6th grade, my prom dates, the girls at college, everything. He just wasn’t catching on. The conversation made me feel really guilty and even a little nauseous. To the point where I felt like throwing up or crying or something.

I woke up yesterday and it was only me and my sister in the house. Home alone. I spent a good portion of the morning thinking about whether or not I should come out to her. Was this the right time? Could I trust her? Would she understand?

My sister and I in 2013
An old photo of us from 2013

It was 4:00 and I knew Mom was coming home at 4:30. MY CHANCE WAS SLIPPING AWAY AS TIME WAS RUNNING OUT. Last semester, I only came home one time the whole semester so aside from Spring break, this might be the ONLY chance I’d be home alone with my sister THIS semester. I couldn’t miss out on the chance!

“Tiff, please turn off the TV,” I said to my sister.

“No way! Why? For what?” she asked.

“Just please do it. Please.” I said.

“Oh, is this serious…? Oh my god,” she responded as she turned off the TV and turned to me.

At this point, I was so nervous about what I was about to do that I was TOTALLY RAMBLING. “Erm, no, it’s not serious. Um, well, kinda, but not that much. Well, anyway, so I hear there’s a boy you like…” I tried to play things off like it was her potential boyfriend who was on my mind.

“Oh. Who told you? Mom? Yeah, his name is DJ!” she said.

“Aw, that’s great, Tiff!”

“Mhm but it’s just weird. I feel strange dating someone before you! Come on, date someone already so I don’t have to feel so weird!” she said half-jokingly-half-serious.

It was then that I finally thought to myself, this is it. No more putting this off. It’s time.

“Well, you see Tiff, there are people I’ve liked- and despite what I’ve told you- I do have a crush on someone at college right now. I guess I could show you a picture or something…?”

“Show me!!! Come on? PLEASEEE?” she pleaded.

“Ok, fine. Only if you show me your person first.” I said.

She eagerly grabbed her iPod Touch and opened Instagram. She scrolled through about three or four pictures of the boy she likes. He looked like a nice guy.

At that point, I knew it was my turn so I got really NERVOUS. I was starting to legitimately panic. I couldn’t help but ask myself, “IS THIS THE WRONG TIME?” but I smacked some sense into myself and realized… there might never be a “right time.”

Sensing my fear, she exclaimed, “Rocky, you’re shaking! What’s wrong? I won’t judge you. Show me!”

I said, “I know, I know. This is who I liked last year,” and I turned my laptop around revealing a photo of the boy I had a crush on standing beside a girl.

She looked at me and said, “Which one?”

I moved my cursor over to the guy and said, “This one.”

To my relief, she was so happy!!! I couldn’t believe it. The best reaction I could ever ask for. She even commented, “Aww, he’s cute!!”

Then I showed her a picture of the guy I liked last semester to who I sent the card (still with no reply) and she said, “I like the last guy better…” hahaha.

Then finally, I showed her a picture of my latest crush who is a guy from my writing class “That’s So Gay” who I think MIGHT like me and she was like, “OH MY GOD! HE’S HOT! WHOA! SCORE!” and she high-fived me. I burst out laughing.

Right as our conversation was getting pretty intense, I noticed it was 4:45 and my mom walked in.

* Read “Coming Out to My Sister (Weekly Writing Challenge: Cliffhanger!)” for the background story! *

Related: Coming Out to My Parents


      1. Wow, you are brave.. I’ve never bothered telling my parents because they wouldn’t be able to accept it and it wouldn’t change anything anyway since I live so far away from them. Good luck with that! Hope it goes well! πŸ™‚

        1. Thanks! I think it’s the type of thing where if someone can tell their parents, great. If not, it’s not really their business anyway. The only advantage of coming out is that you can be real around those people. If someone is not around their parents very much, then coming out might not be necessary.

  1. Martha Kennedy

    Based on the conversation you wrote here about your parents in the car, I think they know. I think they wanted to open up the conversation. (By the way, I don’t even KNOW you and I had figured this out, maybe it’s from years and years of teaching college and university)…so if I knew your parents probably do, too. I know you’re afraid of their reaction, but I also get the idea that your family is a loving one . I admire your courage!

    1. Thanks Martha! I appreciate that. My parents actually haven’t quite figured it out yet but around two weeks ago when my sister started asking if she could date, they were sitting at IHOP and my dad started questioning why she was dating before me. My sister claims they had a long talk about the possibility of me being gay and ended up saying, “if he’s happy, I’m happy” so I feel much less nervous about telling them now! πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you, nuwansenfilmsen! I appreciate that. If you don’t mind me asking, are you not a straight-identifying individual? I’m sure there is someone out there who is right for you. It may seem impossible but if you keep your eyes open and put yourself out there, I’m sure you’ll find someone! (And besides, if you’re single, more freedom to you!) πŸ™‚

  2. Thanks for the great advise. What exactly do you mean by ‘a straight-identifying individual’ ?? Trust me I’ve tried, it’s been impossible to find someone. Gone through too much rejection, and unrequited love. Now I just live in the wrong country that’s very narrow minded and extremely homophobic. There are things I wish to say, but I can’t.

  3. Thank you so much for posting this! I stumbled upon your blog. I am thinking about coming out to my sister sometime around this Chrismas, but I’m facing many of the same problems. For example, I keep putting it off for the “right time” (which hasn’t happened so far, so I probably shouldn’t wait for it to happen) and even though I know that she will be very accepting I am still extremely nervous. Meanwhile, I can imagine that my parents would react very similar to your parents and my friends would be very accepting (especially considering that a good number of them aren’t straight themselves and the rest are strong allys.) I don’t know, I’m just so nervous and I don’t know what exactly to do, but I tired of holding it in and not telling anyone about it. Once again, thank you, it is a wonderful thing that we are able to grow up in a world where we have the ability to look online and see that we are not the only ones to go through similar experiences, I can only imagine what my life would be without that. Have a Merry Christmas!

    1. Hey there!

      I’m curious – how was your Christmas? Were you able to come out to your sister? I apologize for the delay in getting back to you, I had an incredibly busy Winter Break. I remembered reading your comment in December and I wanted to write back to you. Hopefully you considered coming out to your parents! I’m glad you were able to derive some comfort from reading my posts. πŸ™‚

      Hope all is well. Hope to hear from you!!! πŸ™‚

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