My hope in publishing this Free Guide on Pareja de Hecho in Spain is to help someone searching for answers. It is my wish that should someone out there find themselves in a situation similar to the one I’ve shared with my significant other from Spain, I pray they may stand a better chance at saving their long distance relationship by avoiding some of the mistakes I made. Had I known this information sooner, maybe, just maybe, things might be different today.
My Story – An International Relationship
The information I am going to share with you may never be of any use to me and I know that. It hurts to think about it like that but the importance of spreading what I learned about this topic transcends my feelings. If you’re in a long distance relationship with someone in Spain, this is important. This is a temporary but stable solution that has the potential to change your relationship dynamics forever. The long distance relationship I was in came to an end many months ago mainly due to uncertainty over how and when we might ever be able to see each other again. You see, I am a U.S. citizen. He was from Spain. We met through a college foreign exchange program and had a lovely relationship that lasted for two incredible years. Two of the best years of my life. The first year, we basically lived together in the USA. The second year, we saw each other maybe 3 out of the 12 months in the year: one month in Spain and two in the USA. Things began to become a challenge for us when we started to doubt how we could ever sustain a healthy relationship that involved more than endless flights back and forth to each of our respective countries every 6 months. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. We needed answers and we didn’t have them.
Discovering pareja de hecho
It was October of 2017. I was working at my old direct sales job in a Home Depot. To make a long story short, I was chatting with a customer about some work she needed done in her kitchen. We went back to my desk and she commented on how talking to me had lifted her mood because she was missing her daughter who was right around my age. I asked what happened to her. She began to explain, “Well, she’s living in Spain right now so she won’t be with my family for Thanksgiving. She used to go to college here but she met a foreign exchange student from Spain and they started dating in college. They were going back and forth and now she’s living in Spain with him for a few years.”
I put down my pencil and looked up from the paperwork. “Whoa. Your daughter’s story sounds freakishly similar to my own… You said she’s my age? They met in college? He’s from Spain? And she’s living in Spain with him!?”
“If you don’t mind elaborating a bit, having this conversation would be so helpful to me right now. I’m so curious. Sorry, I hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you but I have actually also been dating someone from Spain who I met in college. We broke up 3 months ago after 2 years of dating because living together seemed almost infeasible for us. How are they managing to live together? Have they already gotten married? I would really appreciate you sharing any of this information with me!”
She took out one of her business cards.
On the back of it, she wrote, “Pareja de Hecho.” She looked up and began to elaborate, “In Spain, there is something you can apply for called a pereja de hecho. It essentially means “established couple.” The application is a bit tedious but the requirements to qualify are simple. You must show that your relationship is real, have proof it isn’t being done for the purpose of obtaining residency, and of course, it has some limitations. If you obtain this, it allows you to legally live in Spain for up to 5 years. It works great for situations like the one my daughter found herself in. They can live together while they continue to enjoy their relationship. You should look into it.”
I smiled at her and asked her a few additional questions about their relationship, what they do for work, how they like it, etc. Finally, I teared up. I simply said, “Thank you for sharing this with me. You may never know it but this information could change my future. Maybe not, I have no clue. I will need to do some research and talk to my ex again before anything can happen but you have given me hope again. I don’t know if anything will ever come of this but just knowing such an option exists changes my entire perspective.”
Sadly, I never brought this up to my ex-boyfriend from Spain because, at the time, I was still working at Home Depot and did not yet get hired to work remotely teaching ESL online for VIPKID. Obviously things are different now but maybe my window of opportunity has passed. Deep down inside, I think he may have moved on.
How to Get a Pareja de Hecho in Spain
The first thing you must know: the instructions vary region-by-region. You must look up your partner’s region and qualify based on their specific qualifications. Everything will most likely be in Spanish so if you don’t know the language, hopefully your partner will help.
Step 1: Be in a real relationship with someone from Spain.
Lets not abuse the system, people.
Step 2: Make an appointment with the Registero de Uniones de Hecho
When you and your Spanish significant other are in Spain, go to the Registero de Uniones de Hecho to make an appointment. The location varies by region, from what I understand. Hours will vary but it will most likely be open Monday-Friday and it may close early.
You will need your passport or EU national identity card.
The office should provide you with a paper that explains the details of the process and lists all of the legal documentation. They will give you a date for your ceremonial appointment. The wait varies by region but it can take up to 6 months! Yes, no joke.
Step 3: Patience, of course!
If you’re worried about your visa status, you’ll need to plan carefully. As you know, a US citizen can only stay in the Schengen zone for a maximum of 90 days before being legally required to leave. For specific information on how to handle this, email me: [email protected]
Step 4: Gather Your Legal Documents
The great thing about having to wait up to 6 months is that you have a lot of time to gather all of your legal documents. You will need to verify to the official that you are above 18 years of age, not already Pareja de Hecho’ed to someone else, not related to your significant other, and are mentally stable. Some documents may need to be brought to the office before the date of your ceremony.
The requirements vary but you will most likely need:
- Your passports
- The completed application form (solicitud)
- Proof of payment (The cost varies but is usually over 80 Euros. They will give you a tax form that can be paid at any bank.)
- A certified copy, from either person, of their empadronamiento from the autonomous community in which the pareja de hecho is being requested. You can request this online at no cost. It is mailed to your address within 1 week.
- Proof of marital status. Both members must be single and able to prove it.
- If you are non-EU and have already lived in Spain, a copy of your NIE will be requested.
Documents must be brought to the Registro one month before the date of your ceremony. Rumor has it that they are very understanding and may allow you to bring it to them within a week of your ceremony but do you really want to take chances? I certainly wouldn’t.
Now, here is the complicated part. Legal documents in Spain are only valid for 3 months after they are issued. While you certainly shouldn’t wait to get your documents, you don’t want to get them too early either. Make sure your timeframes line up properly.
Step 5: Proof of Marital Status
They say this is the most frustrating step in obtaining a Pareja de Hecho. While most documents are cheap and easy to obtain, this one might be a bit more complicated. As an American, you will have to make an appointment online at the U.S. Embassy to request this document. The wait for an appointment is around 2 months. Fortunately, the American Embassy does this stuff all the time and they have one already pre-made in Spanish that you simply just have to sign. The fee is $50.00. You can pay cash or credit.
From what I understand, Europeans must request a declaración jurada from your home country’s embassy or consulate.
Now Remember! This document will only be valid 3 months after you receive it. So you might have to get it after you have gone to the Registro in Spain. But be careful because the Registro will need it one month before your ceremony! Are you still following? Good.
Step 6: Now Wait.
This process involves a lot of waiting. You’re dealing with a system.
Step 7: Find Witnesses
At the ceremony, you will need 2 witnesses. These witnesses can be anyone you both know: family, friends, coworkers, it doesn’t matter. They don’t have to be citizen of Spain either. The witnesses affirm that the coupon has dated for at least 12 months. The government wants to know this isn’t just a sudden fling established for the purpose of gaining entry into Spain.
Step 8: Wait Some More.
Lovely weather today, am I right?
Step 9: Get Your Pareja de Hecho
With the wait finally over, it is time for your ceremony! The ceremony is very practical and it takes place in the beautiful hall inside of your Registro. There is no dress code so feel free to attend in comfortable clothing. You may show up in a suit and tie or you may wear jeans and a t-shirt.
CONGRATULATIONS – YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS LEGALLY REAL!
From what I understand, the Pareja de Hecho is a wonderful option that doesn’t seem to bear as much weight or responsibility as, say, marriage. I don’t 100% know how Spanish people view it culturally but it sounds to me like it seen as a means-to-an-end more than anything else. I don’t think people put much weight on it. My friend from Home Depot told me that they are easily dissolved too, god forbid the relationship falls apart. She didn’t want her daughter feeling trapped. Oh and it is LGBT friendly!!!! If you’re trying to figure out how to live with your lover for an extended period of time, this could be just what you need.
As I said before, I hope this gives you and your Spanish partner hope. No relationship should be long distance forever.