Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence

Wouldn’t it be nice to find your soulmate in college?

As many gay men probably know, the search for a good partner can be incredibly difficult. In many cases, you really can’t tell if someone is gay or not just by looking at them so figuring out their sexual orientation is the first challenge. Then you have to figure out if they are also interested in you which isn’t easy either.

While working the closing shift a few nights ago, I walked into one of the rooms I had to shut down. The Theater Company people were in it finishing up what they were working on so I waited off to the side silently until they were all done.

A few of them walked over by me so we chit-chatted about their play (HAIR) and how it’s going to be great and how I should totally go see it. As the conversation was happening, there was this cute guy in their group and I felt like he was watching me. When I would look to him, our eyes would meet, we’d smile, and then we’d both look away quickly.

I went back to my dorm that night and thought about him. I’ve let so many guys slip out of my fingers… was I really going to let it happen again? He was attractive and seemed very down to Earth. I can’t explain why but I get this feeling that our unique personalities would complement one another rather than cause conflict.

Yesterday came around and I decided to go see HAIR in hopes of talking to him! The crew recognized me and were so happy I took the time to swing by and see the show! 🙂 I somehow managed to score front row “interactive audience seating” which made it INCREDIBLY FUN even though I was watching it by myself.

Turns out the guy I like wasn’t in the play but I could see him in the background doing stage-crew stuff. He definitely saw me too.

I was determined to approach him and ask if we could exchange numbers- something I’ve never done before- but the chance to do it never arose. I stuck around as look as I possibly could without making it awkward but he was just going and going doing his stage-crew stuff. Oh well…

In the dining hall, I befriended a bunch of the performers who were grabbing dinner between shows. I got two of the girls to tell me his name and to confirm that he’s gay. (You can never be too sure…) Later that night, another performer told me he’s single. (I didn’t want to step between him and another guy…)

I tried to talk to him when he was leaving the night show but he walked out of the room with a whole group of gay theater guys and I felt kind of uncomfortable. I’m more of a one-on-one kind of guy. I told him good job and as we were talking, he was continuing to walk away while also struggling to make eye contact. I couldn’t tell if his behavior was a lack of interest or nervousness from interacting with me.

I wanted to ask him for his number but his friends took over the conversation with their “AYYYY I REMEMBER YOU!” comments and whatnot. One sassy guy was like, “And once again, we’re getting absolutely nowhere.” So they continued to walk to the exit and quickly said goodbye to me. I think they were tired and annoyed because it was super late and they were the last ones there. We made eye contact one more time as they walked away.

Once they left, I stood there in total silence once again. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much of my time to establish some sort of a connection with him and basically got nowhere.

There’s one last performance of the play coming up. My roommate is going to see it and I’m almost considering going with him so that when I see the guy, I can be direct and to the point. I’m still having an anxiety attack just thinking about it but I may never see him again after this so I guess I don’t have much to lose?